I'm not a hero...

[johno]

Back in August I made a phone post, that was very noisy and cut off early on downloading. Unfortunately it was a important one.

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I was listening to the Republican National Convention. Prior to the introduction of Mayor Giuliani, they had a series of Widows of 9/11 Heroes talking about their experiences and how the RNC was good for them.

This made me very angry. A deep cold internal anger.

9/11 is now a political tool, and while I dislike it, I understand it and can sort of tolerate it.

However, using the family members and the memories of those who died is just plain wrong.

Why?

Because like those who died in 9/11, I'm wired wrong. When something goes wrong, I run toward the disaster, not away from it. Not from some twisted enjoyment, but from a deep seated need to help.

For many reasons, I'm not able to be a fireman or a EMT, but I've been on several different Disaster Response Teams. I've reentered or remained in buildings with fire alarms blaring, I've re-entered a multi-story building right after a major earth quake.

Therefore I fully expect to go out with a bang, so to speak. However, I would not have done it because I want or need to be a hero, but because I did what is needed or necessary.

If I had been on one of the 9/11 planes or in the towers, I'd be dead. Not because I would be slow or just sat around, but because I would have been in the group that rushed the cockpit, or stayed in a stairwell guiding folks down the stairs, or.. or... or...

I'm not looking for strokes or egoboo or ataboys, I'm just making a statement that I'm miswired that way, that somewhere inside, my survival instinct has gone stupid.

So don't call me a hero and to tie everything back to the start, don't use my memory for political reasons. Even for a cause you *know* I would support.

Comments

[abenn.livejournal.com]

I understand what you're saying. Related in a diagonal sort of way: I finally figured out why it bugs me when people thank me profusely for being a poll worker. It means that they're setting the work apart, making it special and unusual, something that would never be a part of their own lives... rather than seeing it as I see it: as a civic responsibility that all of us should take a turn at at least once, and that I am privileged to be able to do.