I'm not a hero...

[johno]

Back in August I made a phone post, that was very noisy and cut off early on downloading. Unfortunately it was a important one.

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I was listening to the Republican National Convention. Prior to the introduction of Mayor Giuliani, they had a series of Widows of 9/11 Heroes talking about their experiences and how the RNC was good for them.

This made me very angry. A deep cold internal anger.

9/11 is now a political tool, and while I dislike it, I understand it and can sort of tolerate it.

However, using the family members and the memories of those who died is just plain wrong.

Why?

Because like those who died in 9/11, I'm wired wrong. When something goes wrong, I run toward the disaster, not away from it. Not from some twisted enjoyment, but from a deep seated need to help.

For many reasons, I'm not able to be a fireman or a EMT, but I've been on several different Disaster Response Teams. I've reentered or remained in buildings with fire alarms blaring, I've re-entered a multi-story building right after a major earth quake.

Therefore I fully expect to go out with a bang, so to speak. However, I would not have done it because I want or need to be a hero, but because I did what is needed or necessary.

If I had been on one of the 9/11 planes or in the towers, I'd be dead. Not because I would be slow or just sat around, but because I would have been in the group that rushed the cockpit, or stayed in a stairwell guiding folks down the stairs, or.. or... or...

I'm not looking for strokes or egoboo or ataboys, I'm just making a statement that I'm miswired that way, that somewhere inside, my survival instinct has gone stupid.

So don't call me a hero and to tie everything back to the start, don't use my memory for political reasons. Even for a cause you *know* I would support.

Comments

[kshandra]

Not miswired. Just wired differently. banesidhe is gone because he was wired the same way.

[abenn.livejournal.com]

I understand what you're saying. Related in a diagonal sort of way: I finally figured out why it bugs me when people thank me profusely for being a poll worker. It means that they're setting the work apart, making it special and unusual, something that would never be a part of their own lives... rather than seeing it as I see it: as a civic responsibility that all of us should take a turn at at least once, and that I am privileged to be able to do.

[karisu-sama.livejournal.com]

"miswiring" (it's not) like that is one of the pro-survival factors for our species. I worry about those who aren't "miswired".

[usqueba.livejournal.com]

Are you a "ham"? Hams help out in times of disater...

- a ham :)

[johno.livejournal.com]

A "ham"?

[smallship1.livejournal.com]

Mmm. I applaud what you do, but not necessarily the way you talk about it. If you really thought it was stupid you wouldn't do it, even instinctively, and to talk about it being "miswiring"...well, some people would do that to fish for compliments, or to give themselves an air of cynicism. I know you're not, but please give yourself the credit for doing something you know is the right thing to do.

My instincts freeze me solid in a crisis. No fight, no flight, just total rigidity while my brain spins out of control. Now that's miswiring.

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

Amateur radio operator. Slang "ham." Often participates in disaster communications exercises and organizations. Can be recognized in the disaster area by their possession of radios, field-expedient antennas, batteries, and an attitude.

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

Heinlein asserted that the chimpanzee in a tree standing lookout for the other chimps was at a demonstratably higher moral level than every politician and/or pacifist who ever lived. He did this in a speech to the graduating class of the U.S. Naval Academy, his alma mater.

It is right and proper that some people die to save others. It would be silly if all of us did. Selfishness and altruism have both practical and genetic advantages from the species perspective.

However, you (and others) should remember the First Law of Rescue. "Never become a victim." If you are injured or killed, not only do your services become unavailable to help, but you take up scarce resources that could have helped others.

This particularly applies to actions taken by untrained persons. There are a lot of subtle and nasty ways to get injured or killed in an incident nowadays.

Consider that most of the people who died on 9/11 -- especially the NYFD, NYPD and Port Authority -- were doing the right thing for the wrong situation.

[usqueba.livejournal.com]

What drewkitty said.

http://www.arrl.org/hamradio.html

They help in disasters, co-ordinate big events (marathons, parades, etc).

:)

[oddharmonic.livejournal.com]

I don't think that's miswired. It reminds me of the distribution of MBTI types; you'd simply be one of the rarer ones.

I dislike others' deaths being used for political leverage.

I had to turn away from the TV today when the names of the past week's casualties in Operation Enduring Freedom ran and I realized I was older than the majority of them.