Overheard tonight at rehearsal.

[johno]

Director to Stagehand: "Please spike the bed location please."

Stagehand proceeds to spike the right front wheel.

Director: "Upstage side please."

Stagehand pulls tape, then spikes the left front wheel.

Director: "Upstage side please!"

Stagehand looks confused.

Director: "Are you really of my flesh? Upstage--Spike the rear wheels."

Director is the mother of the stage hand, who has been helping backstage since he was big enough to wave a paint brush and carry props.