Dealing with verbal bullies.
Dec. 19th, 2003 04:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
johnoA posting by someone who is being verbally bullied and belittled, prompted me to leave a comment. After writing it, I realized it deserved to be a slightly more verbose post in my own LJ.
As a child and teen, I was often bullied. A short, fat, nerd makes for a large target (no pun intended).
1) Don't let them see that they are "getting you." The delight bullies get is not from the torment, but the response.
2) Find your center, gather your strength and smile ever so sweetly and with a hint of condescension. Respond to the data in the stream, not the tone or the precise word choices.
3) Always remember the tormentors are the ones whose mind and spirit are poisoned. They deserve our sympathy and pity, they are not worth wasting the energy of anger.
That last bit is the one that took me till very recently to discover and incorporate into my mind and spirit.
The process of discovering these was not easy.
e1 can easily turn you into a emotionless zombie.
e2 requires lots of strength and self control.
e3 is the toughest, because it requires you to give something to the tormentors.
As a child and teen, I was often bullied. A short, fat, nerd makes for a large target (no pun intended).
1) Don't let them see that they are "getting you." The delight bullies get is not from the torment, but the response.
2) Find your center, gather your strength and smile ever so sweetly and with a hint of condescension. Respond to the data in the stream, not the tone or the precise word choices.
3) Always remember the tormentors are the ones whose mind and spirit are poisoned. They deserve our sympathy and pity, they are not worth wasting the energy of anger.
That last bit is the one that took me till very recently to discover and incorporate into my mind and spirit.
The process of discovering these was not easy.
e1 can easily turn you into a emotionless zombie.
e2 requires lots of strength and self control.
e3 is the toughest, because it requires you to give something to the tormentors.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-12-19 04:46 pm (UTC)Please don't fix this typo; it's way too fun an image.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-19 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-19 04:53 pm (UTC)I think I might be strange.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-19 04:59 pm (UTC)Though I also learned that could get you beat up to boot, but that's a different, but related, issue.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-19 05:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-19 05:44 pm (UTC)Yes, I DO hold grudges. Especially when the bullying went beyond taunts into worse. Especially when I'm a girl and sometimes the bullies are boys....
no subject
Date: 2003-12-19 06:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-19 07:47 pm (UTC)So, I guess my advise would be to talk to somebody however unlikely it may seem. Nobody deserves to be treated like less than human.
bullies
Date: 2003-12-20 11:28 pm (UTC)Ah!
Date: 2003-12-21 08:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-22 10:36 am (UTC)Z
P.S.: You said "very recently" -- do you still experience bullying
in your adult life?
no subject
Date: 2004-01-16 01:02 am (UTC)However, I held on to lots of anger for many years.
I'm stilling finding the areas where I'm still holding some.
When I started letting it go, a weight was removed.
When I started to see that it is the tormentors that are deserving of pity, I gained a lightness